It’s been quite difficult lately. I think our relationship starts collapsing as soon as I get tired of holding it up. There’s no way I can keep on living like this. I’ve been really depressed for the last few days and I’m so tired of all of this. I don’t think I can take it much longer.

Yesterday I was thinking if we would be dating if we met now. And the answer is a solid no way. I know when the other party has zero interest in me and I wouldn’t push it any further and move on.

I went for a long walk yesterday to clear out my head and I felt a lot better afterwards. I realised that trying to keep this relationship together is not my responsibility anymore and I don’t have to put up with this shit anymore. At the moment I’m in it just for the kids. If new love comes my way I’m going to go for it and be be happy with someone else with no regrets or feeling guilty. That’s a liberating feeling and I’m sure there’s a better future ahead possibly with someone else. But I’m not starting to look for a new relationship. At least not for the time being.